Family.

My “up” is coming down smoothly now due to new meds and SLEEP. Saw my amazing psychiatrist today, I’ve been to so many psychiatrists, she is the FIRST to actually look at me sit with me, talk to me, get to the bottom of…me. And not stare at the computer the whole damn time. She is the sweetest person too. So anyway, enough bragging about my awesome doc. She saw that the serequel was making me way too drowsy and out of it and I hated it and couldn’t function. The new meds have got me sleeping good and no groggy “hangover”.

I told her about my family’s concerns, (my constant writing and drawing and artsy fartsy stuff I needed to get out of me), we’ve been fighting like cats and dogs and I would be set off (where normally I’m pretty calm and let things slide) OMG not those days. LOL. Their fears were that I was going to have a complete break like last time (six years ago). It was a really really hard time for my mom and Josh and I can imagine what they had to go through. I mean I was there! lol but usually in these states I just want PEACE. I sat with my dad watching the football draft yesterday (no I’m not the cool girl who knows about football, I had know idea who these guys are but good for them? Some of them?) for a little bit and we just sat in peace and quiet and I felt so calm. I can’t be around anyone super ‘in your face’ at these times. I will freak. Freaked out at a friend that is usually the loud fast talking one and i’m the listener. Had a screaming match in the car and I literally could not stop LOL. We are of course okay, been through a lot with that girl. 🙂

Unless your family member is acting as if he or she may hurt themselves or others AND they are seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist AND are on meds, then please BACK OFF. Do not make this about yourself and your fears. If you have to, then just back away for a little until things have cooled down. This is my life. There will be another up and another down and I need those people in my life that love me enough to stay. And I have those, so I’m in tears writing this; Grateful for my parents and sister, and especially Josh who had to live with me the last breakdown. It was terrifying for both me and him because we had no clue what was happening and were in a different stage in life. He has dealt with me and my problems and addictions for so long. I don’t know why he even stayed. But I’m so so happy he did. I’ve had friends that have seen me at my worse in drinking and I’ve done some shitty things in my life. And I’m so grateful for friends that I’ve had by me for years even through that last breakdown and everything after. I love you guys.

I guess I just wanted to say that yes, I know it is extremely hard for family and friends to deal with a person like me. I know that, and I always have known deep down. But I am trying, thats all I can do. I also want just anyone out there that is reading this with a family member that is maybe being manic at the moment, don’t freak out, it will freak them out even MORE! lol. Have a good one y’all.

 

-Ang

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Author: angleal

AnDGE-then maiden name was changed to Tremble, back again to Lealuez, then found out that our ancestors changed their last name on the boat over from Lealuez to Leal<Divorce.....happened, rehab happened, in home stay happened, bipolarII happened. and I was LEAL, well not legally.. yet. I will definitely get around to it though. Yup. I'm pretty pretty sure I will at the rate i'm going, #OCDslighthypomanicNOTdrinkingtosolveit and trying to be HEEaaalllthyyyyy, ew..mode so i'm up with insomnnia some nights, and a tad bit of deliriusnous.. You'll be hearing from me

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